I recently had the opportunity to give this talk in the 1st DisruptHR event in India.
Link to the video of the talk.
Most of us want to Live the Life of our dreams.
Over last two years, me and my partner Sanjay have been working on helping people to discover the path to such a life…. And in our experience this path lies within us and not outside.
So, why is it that we all want something more, something different from out Life. Abhram Maslow, in about 1945 said that we humans have a hierarchy of needs, which culminates in the need to Self-Actualize. That means, we want to realise our personal potential, by seeking personal growth and peak experiences. David McClelland in his work found out that we all have, in varying degrees, a Need for Achievement, which drives us to self-actualization. This need for achievement if dormant, can actually be aroused.
While this need to self-actualize has been a classical Existential need, however over last decade and a half, there has been a sudden acceleration of this need, due to the socio-economic changes that have happened in our country. It started by people having a high paying job, definitely higher than the previous generations, which let to rapid fulfilment of the basic needs of food, housing, cars, education healthcare etc.
On top of that, a plethora of work choices have opened up – from doing your own start-up to e-Commerce, to being a Designer, an Analyst, a Photographer, a Stand-up comedian, a Musician … and the list is long.
At the same time, there has been a huge shift in the social acceptance of these un-orthodox career choices. If I tell someone that I am on my own – the usual response is Wow! Not only is there a social acceptance, but also a social desirability to be different and follow one’s passion.
People then seem to wonder; how do we first identify our passion and then follow-it. This ideal life then seems to be out-there – while aspirational but still unclear and somewhere out there – for which one needs to move away from the present. At the same time the gravities of present seem to weigh hard on us – the EMIs, School Fees, the Lifestyle, Vacations ….. as a consequence, these aspiration go in the realm of “One Day I will ….”
But this Urge continues to niggle us, and some of us find some interim relief. You would have noticed a sudden rise in the number of middle-aged men running a Marathon. Otherwise there is always a Road trip to somewhere exotic or an all-girls or all-boys trip to Goa, Bali and Pattaya or wherever …. While these adventures do give momentary and temporary diversion and provide a short-term exhilaration. However, this Urge returns to haunt us and the dreams beckon us, keeping us awake in the night and consumed in the day.
In our research we have found that the path to this life of our dreams is within and not outside. What we need to do is to really look within – to deeply understand what is stopping us to become who we truly want to become.
We need to look at the “Brakes” which trap us within ….
Centuries of oppression and poverty in our country has led to a internalized common unconscious need to be safe, leading to an attitude of – risk aversion driven by a strong fear of failure. And if one is willing to give attention to these thoughts and wants to break away from these shackles, it can be very turbulent and scary
It really needs a metamorphosis of sorts…., by questioning our beliefs. We have to really face the fears, look them into our eyes and look beyond. Unless we confront our fears, they will continue to loom big and appear much larger than they really are.
The way forward is to keep on coaxing our passion, Understand the mind-set needed to be enterprising, Arouse our Achievement motive; Understand our relationship with Risk, Failures, Ambiguity & Self-doubt.
Only then can we find strength of craft the life of our dreams. … Life that is full of meaning and purpose and makes us come truly alive. And I hope and pray that all of us are able to find the path to the life of our dreams. TAKE2 is out effort to help people find this path.
We recently presented a paper on this topic in the India Applied Behavioral Sciences Summit Nov 2018: https://www.abssummit2018.com/pdf/Take2-Mattoo-&-Dutt.pdf
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